look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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