You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
