I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize