I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
