Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize