Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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