her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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