my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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