Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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