I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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