I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
the raccoons are back...
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