Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize