What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
