Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize