i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
