we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she told me i tasted like america
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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