...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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