Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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