Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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