shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
