I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
40s are totally the cure
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
