I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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