Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
false alarm. still invincible.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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