You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
