Whats the glycemic index on semen?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
