:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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