so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
