so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
