I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
