i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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