so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
