I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
