perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
