I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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