this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
