My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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