i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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