FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
