I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires