I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
