Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it