i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
