why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
