did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
