12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
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I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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