Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
