Your dad touched me again.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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