She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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