i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
