I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
