I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
