someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
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He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
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Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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