I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.