Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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