Texts From Last Night

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  (607): View more from New York

  How was dinner with ur grandparents?

  (1-607): View more from New York

  I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."

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  (607): How was dinner with ur grandparents? (1-607) I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana." http://tfl.nu/9nup
  Replies (18) Good night (1318) Bad night (6492)
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  (909): View more from California

  I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.

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  (909): I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho. http://tfl.nu/pviw
  Replies (9) Good night (606) Bad night (4048) Order T-Shirt
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.

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  (620): I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks. http://tfl.nu/lsv9
  Replies (12) Good night (5910) Bad night (758) Order T-Shirt
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.

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  (305): Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer. http://tfl.nu/0a2y
  Replies (10) Good night (4383) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.

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  (304): He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect. http://tfl.nu/54k7
  Replies (15) Good night (5853) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
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  (682): View more from Texas

  Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong

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  (682): Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong http://tfl.nu/w74n
  Replies (4) Good night (2505) Bad night (937) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.

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  (815): So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday. http://tfl.nu/ln4p
  Replies (3) Good night (1807) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.

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  (619): Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time. http://tfl.nu/4w7h
  Replies (21) Good night (2561) Bad night (1095) Order T-Shirt
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids

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  (302): I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids http://tfl.nu/6v45
  Replies (15) Good night (1726) Bad night (1008) Order T-Shirt
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.

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  (907): Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina. http://tfl.nu/hpd0
  Replies (36) Good night (2596) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.

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  (206): The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again. http://tfl.nu/xffh
  Replies (5) Good night (1149) Bad night (460) Order T-Shirt
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.

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  (440): Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits. http://tfl.nu/0lkb
  Replies (10) Good night (833) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.

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  (509): Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god. http://tfl.nu/tkyh
  Replies (8) Good night (290) Bad night (1199) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.

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  (908): Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers. http://tfl.nu/nu4z
  Replies (6) Good night (634) Bad night (261) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.

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  (+44): I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal. http://tfl.nu/i10i
  Replies (8) Good night (1074) Bad night (170)

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