I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize