I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
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I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
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I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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