He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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