I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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