How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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