Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
