Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
