how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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