This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
