Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
