If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
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Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
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Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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