Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
