Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
