I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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