tell your sister to shave her snatch
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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