Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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