she smelled like a LAN party
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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