Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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