So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
