Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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