That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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